THE SHOEBOX

THE SHOEBOX 

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.  They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.  They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
  

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. 

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.  'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.' 

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?' 

 'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

(I cannot take credit for this story, I found it on the inter-webs via Facebook...but it is worth the read and a share!)

True Friend

True Friend

 

I recently engaged in an online conversation that started with a question similar to this: “How many TRUE FRIENDS do you have?”  After a surprisingly quick mental run-through of the folks I knew well...my answer was one. It’s me, of course! Its ME! There are many people I associate with, admire, respect and/or connect with profoundly but the only person I can honestly call a "True Friend"...is ME. 

I've spent a great deal of time interacting with and observing people, engaging in forums/blogs/chat-rooms/social media sites and I have discovered one common denominator regarding people I’ve interacted with, their actions and me: I don't truly know or completely understand what guides them. Seriously. I have no idea what makes people tick. They say one thing and do another. They say they are most offended by the same things that they themselves do. Regularly. They are up, down, left and right. They are horrific. They are beautiful. They are complicated. They are beyond my ability to comprehend.

Their "affections"/generosity/kindnesses are given and taken away, according to their emotionally-charged whims, their perceived hurts or their self-focused agendas. I’m not knocking self-preservation but I can’t keep up with the myriad of nuances that lead other people to believe what they believe or behave how they behave...and that’s okay. It really is okay, there is nothing wrong with them (or me, for that matter) because I don’t want to change them. I sure as heck can’t control them, their thoughts, their actions or their life nor do I want to control any of those things. 

I control me, which says a lot...because I’m a handful. I’m quite content ruling the Land of Edith. <laughs> My fiefdom rocks out loud! 

I became my own “one true friend” when I realized (and acted upon that realization) my interaction with people had to change. I began to see a disturbing pattern in my own behavior, some time ago. I’d been letting my actions be dictated by the whims/emotions/actions of others. I’d allowed my thoughts/deeds/actions to be lead according to what others said or did...and this, as I’m sure you’ll assume, invariably lead to disaster! I was a hot mess! An emotional train wreck whose caboose was being led by the whimsy of others. 

People would stop talking to me and I would be overwhelmed with emotion. “What have I done to cause so-and-so to stop talking to me?” People would snap at me at work and I would lose concentration on my own assignment trying to deduce why so-and-so was having such a bad day. “Why are they mad at me?” This was all pointless. Their actions had NOTHING to do with me! I had to control my reaction to their behavior. I had to stop allowing the storms of other people rock my boat. 

I can’t trust or expect people to act based on what is best for me. It is simply not going to happen. We are not wired that way. People are self-focused. It’s not wrong. It’s just the way it is, we look out for our own best interests. I can’t blame folks for doing what is natural to humans. Yet, I cannot be guided by what others consider their truth because it is not my truth. The people I respect the most are the ones who are true to their truth, willing to respectfully entertain one that differs from it and their actions reflect that fact. 

At the end of the day, I am still my most stalwart advocate. I am still my most fervent admirer. I am still my most cheeriest cheer-leader. I am still my most trusted confidant. My life (and the ones I love) is safest in my own hands. I've learned to be my own best friend. I trust me. I am safe in the arms of the one who loves me most. ME!

Thanks for reading!

Am I afraid to die alone? Good Question!

I am a part of some really awesome groups on the inter-webs! I love the interaction, the thought provoking questions and the laughs! Keeps me on my toes and encourages me to think about things I'd never given thought to before! I came across one question that gave me pause and forced me to think about it with serious consideration. The question was: "Are you scared of growing old alone without a mate?" 

Below is my response to same...

I am not afraid. My preference would be to grow old with a man in a healthy committed relationship. 

Yet when I think about all the effort it takes to make a healthy relationship work by both the man and the woman, it occurs to me that it may not be entirely worth it. I’m beginning to realize that my life might be simpler if I just stayed single. I sure as hell don’t want to waste my time perpetually searching, searching, searching for a compatible male! It’s a waste of my energy. 

If a relationship is not adding something positive and beneficial to my life, I refuse to participate. I must have peace in my life and unhealthy relationships are not peaceful! They bring inequality of shared affections, turbulent emotions, drama, the potential for cheaters to cheat, resentment, displays of immaturity, miscommunication, lying and plain old unhappiness. What’s the point in subjecting myself to that mess? No thank you!!! I will pass! 

I have companionship through my family/friends, groups and the projects in which I volunteer. I can pay my own bills. I can raise my children. I have a toy when I’m horny. I’d rather not be unhappy just to be with a man. 

I would rather be alone for the rest of my days knowing that I’ve lived the best life I can live than sacrifice my peace of mind or joy. #IJS

This story has no point.

This story has no point. I simply wanted to share...

I broke up with my guy over the weekend. Technically, our break-up started the first of the year but after many conversations between us, it became painfully official this weekend. We’d been “on-again/off-again” because of the kind of passion/connection/great sex, folks write movies about. I always took him back because I love him. He has so many of the qualities that I desire in a mate, it was very easy for me to purposefully ignore the things he didn’t have, those essential things that I require in a committed relationship, to feel loved and secure.

But, unlike the movies, no matter how intense the passion/connection/great sex was, the obvious could no longer be brushed aside. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. He was not ready for what I wanted.

It is the right thing to do for each of us...but it still hurts.

I feel like a pendulum incessantly swinging between what I KNOW is best for me and what MIGHT’VE been best for me. I love him but I know that I can’t change him, so I am moving on because I deserve someone who is ready for what I have to offer and is mentally prepared to reciprocate.

In all honesty, I am not strong when it comes to him and my heart hurts. He was (is) my best friend, as well as my lover and I miss him. Although, I am not a fool, I am not entirely sensible when it comes to him. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow but today was the day I acknowledged that it is really over. Today is the last day that I mourn for what could've/would've/should've been. Tomorrow is a new day and I intend to greet it with a new perspective and fresh eyes.

I am exactly where I need to be.

Thank you for reading.

Solemn Whimsy

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is you-er than you.” Dr. Seuss

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