True Friend

True Friend

 

I recently engaged in an online conversation that started with a question similar to this: “How many TRUE FRIENDS do you have?”  After a surprisingly quick mental run-through of the folks I knew well...my answer was one. It’s me, of course! Its ME! There are many people I associate with, admire, respect and/or connect with profoundly but the only person I can honestly call a "True Friend"...is ME. 

I've spent a great deal of time interacting with and observing people, engaging in forums/blogs/chat-rooms/social media sites and I have discovered one common denominator regarding people I’ve interacted with, their actions and me: I don't truly know or completely understand what guides them. Seriously. I have no idea what makes people tick. They say one thing and do another. They say they are most offended by the same things that they themselves do. Regularly. They are up, down, left and right. They are horrific. They are beautiful. They are complicated. They are beyond my ability to comprehend.

Their "affections"/generosity/kindnesses are given and taken away, according to their emotionally-charged whims, their perceived hurts or their self-focused agendas. I’m not knocking self-preservation but I can’t keep up with the myriad of nuances that lead other people to believe what they believe or behave how they behave...and that’s okay. It really is okay, there is nothing wrong with them (or me, for that matter) because I don’t want to change them. I sure as heck can’t control them, their thoughts, their actions or their life nor do I want to control any of those things. 

I control me, which says a lot...because I’m a handful. I’m quite content ruling the Land of Edith. <laughs> My fiefdom rocks out loud! 

I became my own “one true friend” when I realized (and acted upon that realization) my interaction with people had to change. I began to see a disturbing pattern in my own behavior, some time ago. I’d been letting my actions be dictated by the whims/emotions/actions of others. I’d allowed my thoughts/deeds/actions to be lead according to what others said or did...and this, as I’m sure you’ll assume, invariably lead to disaster! I was a hot mess! An emotional train wreck whose caboose was being led by the whimsy of others. 

People would stop talking to me and I would be overwhelmed with emotion. “What have I done to cause so-and-so to stop talking to me?” People would snap at me at work and I would lose concentration on my own assignment trying to deduce why so-and-so was having such a bad day. “Why are they mad at me?” This was all pointless. Their actions had NOTHING to do with me! I had to control my reaction to their behavior. I had to stop allowing the storms of other people rock my boat. 

I can’t trust or expect people to act based on what is best for me. It is simply not going to happen. We are not wired that way. People are self-focused. It’s not wrong. It’s just the way it is, we look out for our own best interests. I can’t blame folks for doing what is natural to humans. Yet, I cannot be guided by what others consider their truth because it is not my truth. The people I respect the most are the ones who are true to their truth, willing to respectfully entertain one that differs from it and their actions reflect that fact. 

At the end of the day, I am still my most stalwart advocate. I am still my most fervent admirer. I am still my most cheeriest cheer-leader. I am still my most trusted confidant. My life (and the ones I love) is safest in my own hands. I've learned to be my own best friend. I trust me. I am safe in the arms of the one who loves me most. ME!

Thanks for reading!