Am I afraid to die alone? Good Question!

I am a part of some really awesome groups on the inter-webs! I love the interaction, the thought provoking questions and the laughs! Keeps me on my toes and encourages me to think about things I'd never given thought to before! I came across one question that gave me pause and forced me to think about it with serious consideration. The question was: "Are you scared of growing old alone without a mate?" 

Below is my response to same...

I am not afraid. My preference would be to grow old with a man in a healthy committed relationship. 

Yet when I think about all the effort it takes to make a healthy relationship work by both the man and the woman, it occurs to me that it may not be entirely worth it. I’m beginning to realize that my life might be simpler if I just stayed single. I sure as hell don’t want to waste my time perpetually searching, searching, searching for a compatible male! It’s a waste of my energy. 

If a relationship is not adding something positive and beneficial to my life, I refuse to participate. I must have peace in my life and unhealthy relationships are not peaceful! They bring inequality of shared affections, turbulent emotions, drama, the potential for cheaters to cheat, resentment, displays of immaturity, miscommunication, lying and plain old unhappiness. What’s the point in subjecting myself to that mess? No thank you!!! I will pass! 

I have companionship through my family/friends, groups and the projects in which I volunteer. I can pay my own bills. I can raise my children. I have a toy when I’m horny. I’d rather not be unhappy just to be with a man. 

I would rather be alone for the rest of my days knowing that I’ve lived the best life I can live than sacrifice my peace of mind or joy. #IJS

This story has no point.

This story has no point. I simply wanted to share...

I broke up with my guy over the weekend. Technically, our break-up started the first of the year but after many conversations between us, it became painfully official this weekend. We’d been “on-again/off-again” because of the kind of passion/connection/great sex, folks write movies about. I always took him back because I love him. He has so many of the qualities that I desire in a mate, it was very easy for me to purposefully ignore the things he didn’t have, those essential things that I require in a committed relationship, to feel loved and secure.

But, unlike the movies, no matter how intense the passion/connection/great sex was, the obvious could no longer be brushed aside. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. He was not ready for what I wanted.

It is the right thing to do for each of us...but it still hurts.

I feel like a pendulum incessantly swinging between what I KNOW is best for me and what MIGHT’VE been best for me. I love him but I know that I can’t change him, so I am moving on because I deserve someone who is ready for what I have to offer and is mentally prepared to reciprocate.

In all honesty, I am not strong when it comes to him and my heart hurts. He was (is) my best friend, as well as my lover and I miss him. Although, I am not a fool, I am not entirely sensible when it comes to him. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow but today was the day I acknowledged that it is really over. Today is the last day that I mourn for what could've/would've/should've been. Tomorrow is a new day and I intend to greet it with a new perspective and fresh eyes.

I am exactly where I need to be.

Thank you for reading.