Relationship Question: One Response.

I roam on the inter-webs, frequently running into questions that give me pause; this was one such a question...

Do we, black women, believe so little in our men - in love in general that we just don't "know" we'll marry one day, only hope it'll happen? Do we early-on only think: "I'm going have a boyfriend,  or worst, bady-daddy?" Is marriage really something black women believe can happen for them?

  

My response...

I think folks (white or otherwise) emulate what they see - we are influenced by our circumstance. If I am surrounded by married folks (committed or adulterous) from a young age, then marriage will become a part of what being a grown-up means and its “importance” will hold weight. If I am surrounded by perpetually single folks (bitter or happy) from a young age, then, the “importance” of marriage will have less weight. Doesn't make it wrong or right just reality.

I’ll also add, from my personal experience, there seems to be more conversations had, in the black community, about what we DON’T want, than what we claim we DO want. Example: Folks can spend hours and hours and hours talking about cheaters/deadbeat-dads/liars/no-good-men/not-stroking-egos...but when asked to site examples of how to support a man (or women) mentally and emotionally...folks becomes quiet. Everyone seems to have commentary about the negative aspects of marriage but few are willing to discuss the realities of what a positive committed relationship requires. It's easier that way. Also, some folks get caught in the trap of, "If that relationship didn't work, the next one won't either." and they give up...and claim happiness in single-hood when they really want to be in a healthy, committed relationship.

I have never, ever (EVER!) lost faith in the fact that there are plenty of willing men and women (black and otherwise) available and desiring of a healthy, committed relationship/marriage. <laughs> The truth is out there!