"I Am Done Talking About It!"

It's been a harrowing week, with regard to race relations in this country. As usual. Although, concerning this is not my most pressing concern. You want to know what is? My burning resolve to STOP doing the same thing, repeatedly, HOPING, WISHING and PRAYING to get a different outcome. <laughing> It's talking. Just talking.

All we do is talk, talk, talk - folks spew opinions like they're getting paid to generate them...BUT...no resolution. Yet.

Well, I shall bow out of that never-ending story, gracefully, because - this is it.

I am done talking...about the implied "rape" including the actual rape and enslavement of our community over the span of centuries. Even by those of my skin color BUT especially by those NOT of my skin color.

I am done talking about and drowning in the OCEANS of opinions about HOW I *SHOULD* FEEL ...or... WHAT I *SHOULD* ACKNOWLEDGE ...or... HOW I *SHOULD* BEHAVE ...or... HOW I *SHOULD* TALK ...OR... NOT TALK ...OR DRESS ...OR... WEAR MY HAIR ...OR... POP MY GUM ...OR... STAND ON THE SIDE WALK ...OR... WALK DOWN THE STREET ...OR... LIVE ...OR... LOVE ...OR... BREATH!

All of this TALK! For what?! To avoid making people UNCOMFORTABLE with MY truth?! To avoid raising the ire of "certain" people?! Guess what? "Those" folks will NEVER make the effort to understand me or those that look like me nor believe that we are even worth the effort.

I am done talking about...how I need to pull myself up by those FICTITIOUS bootstraps, while those same straps - made real due to premeditated ignorance - are LITERALLY strangling me and folks that look like me to death while we TRY TO apply for a FAIR home loan, TRY TO move to a better neighborhood, TRY TO enroll our children into better schools ...and so on...and so on ...and so on...and so on...and so on...

I am done talking about...how atrocities "didn't just happen to the African American community, it happened to other communities, as well".

I am done being told, "you're not the only people suffering or have suffered". AND? SO WHAT? I am expected to empathize with another's feeling and have my own ignored?! NO! My suffering is mine!

I can feel however and whatever I want but - nevermind- I am done talking about that AND what other communities have done after their tragic histories and what my community has seemingly failed to do - not my circus nor my cage.

I am done participating-in and wallowing-through verbal acrobats about RACE, RACISM and RACE RELATIONS that basically amount to whether we should call all these PAST and CURRENT actualities in our society - a po-TAY-toe or a po-TAH-toe. <laughing> Moot.

I am done reiterating - over and over and over and over and over again - the efficacy of the SYSTEMIC RACISM in this nation. It's working, no need to review. <shrugs> Some folks are NOT getting a fair shake and the African American community seems to bear the most weight in that imbalance. You don't need to believe or agree because I am done being told "if you don't want to get arrested, don't commit a crime" in THIS environment...when brown-skinned children are being assaulted at pool parties.

I am done advocating for and having discussions about "ShaLeeka", from around the way, being a 'hoe' because she twerkin' with eight children by eight men WHILE *THEY* CONVENIENTLY DISCOUNT HOW *HER* CHOICES WERE MINIMIZED AND STEERED TOWARD FAILURE because she lived with generational poverty and was looking for love/ attention in a society that will never find her beautiful and shows her everyday.

I am done explaining about "JaShawn" and'em, from the west side that DID GRADUATE COLLEGE, AVOID JAIL AND MAINTAINED INTEGRITY but they still have such difficulty finding a decent paying job because society seems to like black men to only DO "OKAY" so they can point and say, "see they're over that slavery-thing, we can all forget about it!". (We have Obama, right?) But GOD FORBID that same black man DOES "BETTER" THAN OKAY?! This perceived success HIGHLIGHTS those individuals and their PERSONAL inadequacies and failures - which triggers violence reaction. "Uppity, much? Let me beat that outta you."

I am done explaining about "Antwon" and'em, from the east side who DID NOT GRADUATE COLLEGE  AND WENT TO STRAIGHT TO JAIL because they felt those were the only options available to them.

I am tired of regurgitating the same old information about how "rigged the game" is - how no matter how hard we practice, work, are pleasant, speak well, have excellent manners or conform to societal standards...black men and women will always be handled like we are one misstep away from violence and/or incarceration (and considered second class citizens to those of authority because of this pervasive belief). Having to CONSTANTLY point out that when the original settlers dealt with this type of oppression from England - they revolted and created America! Yet, we are expected to "grin and bear it". This is why I am done...

I am done responding to being told that some people "don't see skin color" when, in fact, all we see is skin color because it's EASY to distinguish black from white - while adding preconceived ideas - THAN IT IS TO ACTUALLY GET TO KNOW AN INDIVIDUAL PERSON AND WHAT DRIVES THEIR CHOICES...and those who don't admit it are liars. But I'm done talking about that too, because..

I am so unbelievably tired of talking about HOW INSENSITIVE AND CALLOUS it is to be told that the ONLY way that my FEELINGS and my LIFE and my REALITY are VALUABLE and WORTH COMPASSIONATE UNDERSTANDING - is if they are approved by, agreed with and  validated by OTHER people?! I DON'T NEED THEIR APPROVAL OR AGREEMENT OR VALIDATION FOR MY TRUTH...TO BE MY TRUTH! It is mine.

I am done being told, we are thugs.

I am done being told, we are animals.

I am done being told, we are NOT beautiful.

I am done being told, we are NOT worth having the same opportunities as every other citizen of this nation.

I am done being told, we are NOT valuable.

I am done being told, we are NOT precious.

I am done railing against and listening to the endless dogma...and talking is obviously fruitless.

Moving forward, I commit to ignoring all commentary that does not contain an ACTUAL resolution to the increasingly apparent racial disparity in our society. If it's not apart of the resolution then it's apart of the problem and not worth my time. Or energy.

My energy will be directed toward providing a safe place and protecting those I love from those that don't love us (or wish to do us harm). Ya'll keep TALKING about it. I'll BE about it.

Nankurunaisa.

Life Said

Life said: "I never change but you can - if you want to - here's an opportunity."

I thought I didn't have any more energy to "fight" because I had been "fighting" for so long and so hard - I felt I needed and earned some rest. Endgame? Keep "fighting", the "fight" will get me where ever I need to be...real 'rest' will come, when I die.

Life said: "I never change but you can - if you want to - here's an opportunity."

I thought I was overwhelmed because I felt submerged by one event after another. The actuality was, in fact, fleeting, one breath to the next. The hammer will fall - frequently - yet as long as my core-understanding and faith endures, I will maintain then thrive. I can hold my breath 'til I surface...then "fight".

Life said: "I never change but you can - if you want to - here's an opportunity."

I thought I was burdened and a burden because I felt weighted down by situations that I could not predict, control nor influence. I readily accepted the blame for unforeseeable events. Yet, the reality is, there was nothing heavier than the pointless 'worry', I carried. It's time to lay that down. To be free...to "fight"

Life said: "I never change but you can - if you want to - here's an opportunity."

I thought I was hedged 'round by the solicited-offerings of others. But I was trapped. Wallowing in their dance-of-ego where imagery became more important that fact. Pride more important than love. Words were offered - just sounds. Promises made - then broken. Discussions had - then dismissed. Convenient-but-minor assistance was graciously offered with no actual in-roads made while inconvenient-but-helpful assistance stoically withheld and solutions never saw the equation. Those who spoke the most, offered the least but those who spoke the least, offered the most. Now, I see what it means to be the silent minority with the loudest activity....lesson learned.

Life said: "I never change but you can - if you want to - here's an opportunity."

Life will always take the sharp and abrupt turns that glide around gentle curves. Life will be a garden and a desert. Life will be the famine and the feast. Life will be the betrayal and the orgasm. Life never pauses. Ever. It never changes. It is dependable, in that, it cannot be trusted to be eternally evil or sweet-tempered. It cannot be anticipated or controlled...just lived.

It's not fair. So what.

Life said: "I never change but you can - if you want to - here's an opportunity."

It took anger to light the fire underneath my feet and force that second wind into my lungs. It took vision to note the declarations must be built on something. It took passion to refresh my memory about my own strength. To realize - again - that I've walked this path, this far and I don't intend to stop now...until I 'rest'.

Life said: "I never change but you can - if you want to - here's an opportunity."

I said: "I accept."

#CantStopWontStop
#IKnowWhatItMeans
#DontBeRidiculous
#MovingForward